![]() ![]() I was kind of hoping we’d get a fun server moment like the start of “ Pineapple Express. Only, he gets a summons under his pillow for basically being the screen door to everyone’s submarine. Thank God Carly steps in before he can finish.īrown: Derek is the kind of boyfriend (later Dad because I don’t care about spoiling this movie) that Carly’s kids will tell a therapist about.Īfter Carly boots Derek out for trying to destroy a child’s wonder, preventing him from the single mother coitus he so richly desired, he goes to his apartment to sleep it off. Not only is he a degenerate gambler, he is a crusher of childhood wonderment.Īnd when confronted, he just tells this child the tooth fairy isn’t real, like Trump questioning a kid who believes in Santa. He goes upstairs and steals money from a child. ![]() Real jaded, this Derek.įroemming: Well, during the poker game, Derek runs out of money, because that is what happens when one has a gambling problem. ![]() Then when at his girlfriend Carly’s house, Derek is about to tell her six-year-old Tess that the Tooth Fairy isn’t real. After a game, he tells an aspiring kid hockey player that he’ll never even sniff the NHL. While Derek is a goon in the ice, we find out he’s a real son of a bitch off the ice when he STEALS A DOLLAR FROM A CHILD!įroemming, I’ll let you take this deplorable act.įroemming: Derek, as we see during a little poker game, is a degenerate gambler. įroemming: You know what you are? An Anti-Dentite !īrown: I did eat a bag of candy to spite this movie. Soon, The Rock will be putting braces on someone much like how Fred Flinstone used to shill cigarettes. The “Always Sunny” scene where Charlie’s teeth come out like Pez makes me squeamish even while describing it.Īs Derek heads to the penalty box, we hear him throw out a lot of tooth puns like “You can’t handle the tooth,” or “that’s the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.” At this point, I thought the movie was funded by Big Dentistry or something like that. Were all these people broke in 2009-10? This is truly a mystery to me.īrown, while I try out my fancy fairy wings, why don’t you start this off.īrown: We start off at a minor-league hockey game where we meet goon Derek Thompson, aka The Tooth Fairy because, well, he hits hard and knocks teeth out of people’s mouths.Īs I’ve brought up a couple times on the JOE-DOWN, loose teeth gross me the hell out. This movie seems to be “Quick Money: The Movie” with a cast that includes Ashley Judd, Stephen Merchant (co-creator of “The Office”), Billy Crystal, Julie Andrews and Seth McFarland. Why didn’t they just make his character a boxer or, say, a wrestler who happens to knock teeth out? ” But for some reason, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson does not strike me as having the proper physique of a hockey play. Look, I don’t know much about hockey beyond the pube shaving scene in “ Youngblood. ![]() Look, this movie’s premise is outlandish and is one that has already been covered by “The Santa Clause,” a film we should review since Tim Allen kills Santa in that.īrown: Fun fact: The director of this movie, Michael Lembeck, directed the second and third “Santa Clause” movies.įroemming: Was he trying to create a cinematic universe of crappy movies?īrown: If you look at his filmography, yes.įroemming: Even more outlandish is this movie expects me to believe The Rock is a hockey player. Hell, this movie was three years before “Pain & Gain.” At least he got a Kid’s Choice Award nomination for this? I was about to classify this movie as an early Hollywood misstep. I suppose his previous roles like “Walking Tall” and “Doom” didn’t quite appeal to Mom, Dad and lil’ Suzie. ”Īnd now, we have arrived in a world of crushed dreams and loose incisors in “Tooth Fairy” as The Rock ventured into the world of a family film. and grilled human hands of “ Pain & Gain. Last week we explored the “true story” world of steroid-induced E.D. Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 18 percent Our take:īrown: From Hulk muscles to fairy tales, The Rock Month is bringing the JOE-DOWN to strange places. Plot Summary: (From IMDB) A bad deed on the part of a tough minor-league hockey player results in an unusual sentence: He must serve one week as a real-life tooth fairy. Starring: The Rock, Ashley Judd, Julie Andrews ![]()
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